Traditionally dating in hausa culture has involved one girl to many suitors who compete for her affections. She is not committed to any one of them, but they are all committed to only her. When she makes her choice, the loving souls left behind move on to lick their wounds and date someone else....
In "western" cultures, this might been considered cheating or just wierd? At least that's what I've thought; choose 1 and be with 1. Ignore/deter all others.... WHAT A FOOL I HAVE BEEN! I can tell you now, that this doesn't work! It has so far proven to be an unwise strategy. A layer of stupidity has been revealed with each "boyfriend" I have shed. Imagine! i could've dated all # at the same time! That would have saved me over 8 years of ..dunno.. searching!
I began to realise this over the past year and yesterday, I stumbled across an article that said the Americans do date more than one person at the same time- less common for the British. I don't know where I got the idea that this was a western thing. Or indeed why I decided to adopt that philosophy when every one else was doing otherwise. Perhaps I was being rebellious; I think it must have been the naivety of youth.
So for me, no more 1 for 1 committment. The person I commit to will be my husband. Simple and short. When I see a number of suitors before I meet my Hausa Match, it is not CHEATing or infidelity or whatever you want to call it. It is simply dating like my ancestors used to do it.
Besides, what IS cheating? I am a chaste Muslim girl, and I plan to remain that way....
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Allah Ya ba ki miji nagari. But there seems to be a contradiction in your statements: "When I see a number of suitors before I meet my Hausa Match, it is not CHEATing or infidelity or whatever you want to call it. It is simply dating like my ancestors used to do it" and "... what IS cheating? I am a chaste Muslim girl, and I plan to remain that way...." Did I read u well?!
ReplyDeleteBahaushe, I have mulled over what might be contradictory... Perhaps the use of the word Chaste and the plan to remain that way? Well, to clarify, I mean remaining virtuous and pure in thought and act... And once I am married whatever I do will be well and truly lawful...
ReplyDeleteAnd to your prayer, Amin summa Amin
nice blog. i join bahaushe in praying for you. lets have more posts along this line as it touches a raw nerve. i mean there lots and lots of nice and descent girls out there looking for husbands. there seems to be a shortage of marriageable men as young males keep falling by the side. most dont have what it takes to marry as they ride their okada motor cycles....
ReplyDeleteI find your blog very interesting and very relatable. for two weeks now I check everyday to see if there's an update. Please dont keep us waiting much longer. I want to see where you next story leeds
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing new when a lady dates many at the same time. Its practised all over the world not just in the US. Try running a search on polyamoury - where you can love many at the same time. As you know, I dont believe in monogamy myself and Im a proponent of polygamy, polyandry and polyamory. Good to meet you.
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