Traditionally dating in hausa culture has involved one girl to many suitors who compete for her affections. She is not committed to any one of them, but they are all committed to only her. When she makes her choice, the loving souls left behind move on to lick their wounds and date someone else....
In "western" cultures, this might been considered cheating or just wierd? At least that's what I've thought; choose 1 and be with 1. Ignore/deter all others.... WHAT A FOOL I HAVE BEEN! I can tell you now, that this doesn't work! It has so far proven to be an unwise strategy. A layer of stupidity has been revealed with each "boyfriend" I have shed. Imagine! i could've dated all # at the same time! That would have saved me over 8 years of ..dunno.. searching!
I began to realise this over the past year and yesterday, I stumbled across an article that said the Americans do date more than one person at the same time- less common for the British. I don't know where I got the idea that this was a western thing. Or indeed why I decided to adopt that philosophy when every one else was doing otherwise. Perhaps I was being rebellious; I think it must have been the naivety of youth.
So for me, no more 1 for 1 committment. The person I commit to will be my husband. Simple and short. When I see a number of suitors before I meet my Hausa Match, it is not CHEATing or infidelity or whatever you want to call it. It is simply dating like my ancestors used to do it.
Besides, what IS cheating? I am a chaste Muslim girl, and I plan to remain that way....
Wednesday, 18 February 2009
Monday, 16 February 2009
Vals
So it was Valentine's Day over the weekend... Just another day really, no date, no flowers, no chocolate...
I wonder what Hausa gentlemen of today do for vals? Traditionally- dare I say it- they haven't struck me as romantic. But then again, this is now. So what have you done or what have you received?
I remember valentine's day 2 years ago.... I had met a lovely man called Faruk while out shopping along Bond Street in December (I know! it's unlikely... he was unique). We made eye contact and he approached me. He asked for my number and he got it.... We spoke on the phone- it flowed. We went out to lunch a couple of times... things were alright, but there was a bit too much "Qarya" about him. Read on...
In January, I was nursing a cold and he called...
Awww... mura kike yi?
Yes (Sniff sniff)
That's so terrible, you taking meds?
Yeah
have you had something to eat?
Not really.. bana jin cin komai..
But ya kamata ki ci wani abu.... hold on a minute.... I'm going to order some soup for you.. menene adress din ki?
(smiling from ear to ear) Haba dai, you don't have to.
Ya kamata ki ci wani abu....
Okay. 24 XYZ Road....
So he ends the call to place the order. He calls me back 5 minutes later and then says that they don't deliver that far out. I say okay, ba komai...
February 14th,
(Text message) Hey Sky, Happy Valentine's day...
(Phone call later) How was your day? I want to send some flowers to you. What's your address?
Nah, you don't have to
Kin tabbata? I don't like flowers myself but I will send them to you..
Nah, i'm fine thank you...
.... I'm busy, so I say goodbye
Mind you, this wasn't a relationship. He was supposed to be wooing me! can you believe it?! Thinking back to the Soup incident, ina jin ma karya kawai ya ke yi... but i tell you what, it worked! Shameful. And on V-day, he ASKED whether to send flowers on the day! What an insult! If he had wanted to send them, he would have planned it well in advance. You see, my kinda Man would have kept my address following the Soup day..... Needless to say, the brotha was a poser who was a practised playa in the field...
There's more to the story than i have time to write about now. The shege (excuse my language) was a phantom smooth operator. He almost got me because he whipped a cloud of charm all around me. Amma, like I said ALMOST. Allah ya kiayaye ni, cos I got off that train to nowhere.....
I wonder what Hausa gentlemen of today do for vals? Traditionally- dare I say it- they haven't struck me as romantic. But then again, this is now. So what have you done or what have you received?
I remember valentine's day 2 years ago.... I had met a lovely man called Faruk while out shopping along Bond Street in December (I know! it's unlikely... he was unique). We made eye contact and he approached me. He asked for my number and he got it.... We spoke on the phone- it flowed. We went out to lunch a couple of times... things were alright, but there was a bit too much "Qarya" about him. Read on...
In January, I was nursing a cold and he called...
Awww... mura kike yi?
Yes (Sniff sniff)
That's so terrible, you taking meds?
Yeah
have you had something to eat?
Not really.. bana jin cin komai..
But ya kamata ki ci wani abu.... hold on a minute.... I'm going to order some soup for you.. menene adress din ki?
(smiling from ear to ear) Haba dai, you don't have to.
Ya kamata ki ci wani abu....
Okay. 24 XYZ Road....
So he ends the call to place the order. He calls me back 5 minutes later and then says that they don't deliver that far out. I say okay, ba komai...
February 14th,
(Text message) Hey Sky, Happy Valentine's day...
(Phone call later) How was your day? I want to send some flowers to you. What's your address?
Nah, you don't have to
Kin tabbata? I don't like flowers myself but I will send them to you..
Nah, i'm fine thank you...
.... I'm busy, so I say goodbye
Mind you, this wasn't a relationship. He was supposed to be wooing me! can you believe it?! Thinking back to the Soup incident, ina jin ma karya kawai ya ke yi... but i tell you what, it worked! Shameful. And on V-day, he ASKED whether to send flowers on the day! What an insult! If he had wanted to send them, he would have planned it well in advance. You see, my kinda Man would have kept my address following the Soup day..... Needless to say, the brotha was a poser who was a practised playa in the field...
There's more to the story than i have time to write about now. The shege (excuse my language) was a phantom smooth operator. He almost got me because he whipped a cloud of charm all around me. Amma, like I said ALMOST. Allah ya kiayaye ni, cos I got off that train to nowhere.....
Wednesday, 4 February 2009
Being Seen
So it's February already.... How time flies! Today I am going to write about a video I saw online. It was titled "how to meet men". The woman giving advice was a mathcmaking "expert" and her tips were:
Be confident
Be SEEN- be everywhere!
Smile and be approachable
These are fantastic tips and they made me want to get out-and-about sharpish... So as I put on my black flats, black coat, black scarf and a whiff of Cinema by YSL, I feel a million naira. Remembering my smile, I stepped out and into town to be seen...
Back I came; mission unaccomplished. What went wrong? My black ensamble lacked OOOmph. It was very ^^Yawn^^. So I was NOt seen, hence my smile eventually flattened... So i've decided to add a little Pzazz and some sexy into my look. Heels... Bracelets.. Cocktail rings.. Scarves... Perhaps something red....
Be confident
Be SEEN- be everywhere!
Smile and be approachable
These are fantastic tips and they made me want to get out-and-about sharpish... So as I put on my black flats, black coat, black scarf and a whiff of Cinema by YSL, I feel a million naira. Remembering my smile, I stepped out and into town to be seen...
Back I came; mission unaccomplished. What went wrong? My black ensamble lacked OOOmph. It was very ^^Yawn^^. So I was NOt seen, hence my smile eventually flattened... So i've decided to add a little Pzazz and some sexy into my look. Heels... Bracelets.. Cocktail rings.. Scarves... Perhaps something red....
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